Im halfway through FEAR, and although I love it, I’m beginning to reach the end of my tether with certain things we see in almost every single FPS.
(apologies if any of this is on a similar article on pointlesswasteoftime.com, but I share a lot of their views!)
Things I’m tired of in FPS titles:
1. You always play some sort of commando, or ex-commando.
And don’t start shouting gordon freeman at me. He’s a commando who works for the G-man. He just doesn’t know it yet.
FEAR – Special Forces.
Quake – Marine.
FarCry – Ex-Special forces.
Doom – Marine
CounterStrike – Commando. (or terrorist I suppose)
Splinter Cell – Special Forces.
Halo – Special Forces / Marine.
Even our beloved Duke Nukem is a former special forces guy if I remember correctly.
Ok. I understand that playing a disgruntled electrician wouldn’t exactly allow for a lot of first person shooting, but come on. Even action movies manage to pass off the odd hero who’s NOT a special forces guy.
[ notable exception - Prey. It was a long time coming though ]
2. You pick things up with your feet.
Now, I can pick up things up with my feet, but its usually the remote, and I’m usually barefoot and slumped on the couch. I have never attempted to pick up a grenade or a box of shotgun shells with my feet. I’m tired of my legs absorbing things with a click.
[ noteable exception - can't think of any... ]
3. Computers are everywhere.
This really is a symptom of games developers not getting out much, but every FPS I’ve played in the last few years (bar the ww2 ones of course) have featured large offices levels complete with very well textured PCs, with monitors, keyboards, mice etc. Its like every games company thinks it’s really cool to have their entire office replicated in the game at some point. Well its not. I’m tired of office levels. I’m tired of walking down dreary corridors with the same wall texture, same carpets, same roof, but ten different kinds of lovingly crafted PC. its a pc. I get it. Fill in the rest of the Fucking Level for gods sake.
[ noteable exception - nope ]
4. Buildings make no fucking sense at all
We’ve all experienced it. The only way to get to a particular room is via a metal walkway which can only be accessed from a ladder which is only reachable via filling a room with water and hopping across barrels. Who really works in a building like that? Nobody. Thats who. Penny Arcade said it best.
5. No Jumping Please
I can slow down time, spin kick, move things with my mind, defy gravity, pin people to walls, pick up stuff and throw it around, blow holes in walls. So why the fuck can’t I climb over a 2 foot high wall? Kids can fucking do that.
6. Use the W key to walk forward. Use the chair to rest your ass.
We don’t need instructions anymore. Help should be there IF WE NEED IT. I don’t care if the tutorial has been very cleverly integrated into the beginning of the game, it still tears the fucking arse out of the realism. Imagine if every single film started with a narrator telling you who and what everything is. What if Die Hard started with a narrator saying “this is John McClaine, he is a police officer from New York. He is visiting his wife in Los Angeles. Right now he’s on a plane. If he wants to avoid jet lag he should take off his shoes and walk around on a carpet. Oh. He’s left the airport and arrived at the building. He should push the elevator button to call the elevator.” Rubbish. It would totally take away from the film right? Well newsflash, it TOTALLY TAKES AWAY FROM THE GAME TOO. If gamers can’t figure out the controls to an FPS by now, they should stick to reversi.
[ noteable exeptions - no. Not even halflife 2. It was there, worked into the story. 'pick up that can' 'stack those boxes']
7. I can’t see my hands. Or My Feet!
Am I a floating orb? I seem to have a shadow sometimes. and yet I can see my legs. Why not?
[ noteable exceptions - FEAR ]
8. AI – Artificial Idiocy
In FarCry, the bad guys take cover behind things, and flank you. in FEAR, they do that plus fire blind, advance when you retreat, and they know when you flank them. And yet they are unbelievably stupid. They all talk to each other on radios, saying things like, “he’s here!” “I need back up!” “team, check in!” etc. If you kill one, the others are on you like glue. But only the others in the same room. Do their radios have no range? You kill everyone in a huge firefight, and make your way to the next room. The guy says “I thought I heard something… “. You did? Was it my footsteps? Was it the crys of “help”, “he’s over here”, and “I need backup”? Was it the mother of all fucking explosions in the room next door? What does it take for you people to come and investigate! At least be fucking prepared for battle!