Where to start.
I wasn't expecting much from hellgate, so I shouldn't really be disappointed by the impressions I got from the demo, and yet I am. It's just depressing, to see yet another example of a game that could have been incredible, amazing, fabulous – ruined seemingly by a lack of effort or common-sense on the part of the developers.
I start my game, plagued by tooltips despite having checked the 'disable tooltips' option on the character creation screen. First thing that happens is I get a 'video' message from some lost guy called murmur. This video comprises of a picture of him, and some text appearing on my screen detailing his predicament. "Thank goodness your're here!" he seems to cry "I'm stranded!" and "Maybe we can make it to holborn station together!"
I find Murmur about 100ft in front of me, past some ambling zombies who never seem to bother me and are easily side-stepped. Stranded indeed. When I talk to the scared, frightened murmur, he looks non-chalant, waves at me every five seconds, and seems to come on to me saying things like "its a big universe – if it doesnt work out maybe we could relocate" or "well aren't we just full of questions!". Not exactly terrified behaviour, but we'll forgive that. Also his lips don't move when he talks.
He's been on a critically important mission with some templar who were butchered. He suggests we go and retrieve the information they died to obtain, about some guy called fawkes. Murmur has now stopped waving and has begun to bow ceremoniously ever five seconds.
I notice as I run down the streets that fragments of windows reflect a street which bears no resemblance to the one we're on. More zombies are on the streets, walking like John Cleese in the python silly walks sketch. No, Really.
We find a half dead templar knight. "The mission!" he cries "it must not fail!" "the doctor – fawkes. dr fawkes" "listen, his device…" "you must bring word to lann" "give him fawkes communique! he must find the device" "go to covent garden station, give fawkes communique to lann" "he'll understand. He'll find the doctor …use the device" "there's still hope. always hope… always ho…"
He Dies.
I am filled with questions. Who is fawkes! Could he be a doctor of some kind? Might he have some kind of device on him by any chance? And was I supposed to bring anything to anyone?
I try to ask murmur to see if he can clarify any of this. He won't let me look directly at him, and keeps side stepping around me like he's trying to hide.
We go to holborn station. Inside I find murmur, even though he's supposedly following me. Now he's leaning against a wall, beside a big ad for nVidia, picking his nose repeatedly. When i talk to him he lurchs forward, and gesticulates wildly while saying "wanted to talk didja mate?"
I swear to myself thats the last time i'll converse with that irritating twat.
I walk further into the station, find various guard types, a camp shopkeep, a boy called 'joey' with a wooden leg (really) and a woman with the BIGGEST breasts I have ever seen in a computer game. In that statement I'm including lara croft, all the female characters from dead or alive, tekken, tao feng, everything.
Seriously. As the old adage goes, when in doubt, include a female character with boobs bigger than basketballs. I talk to the top heavy heroine and discover she has the voice of a 60 year old woman.
I stop playing hellgate, decide not to buy the game and begin writing this post.